Wednesday, March 5, 2008

My son's final lesson



Caught up in my busy day and my life i hardly realise a thing.
No feelings. No thoughts. No pain. No stops. No breaths. No slack. All work. All play. The gym. The court... and home.

Lying alone on my bed at night... it happens. SNAP. I miss him.
I miss that little fur ball licking at my face when i lay down.
I miss those paws that push me out of bed at night.
I miss those eyes that stare at me.
I miss that warm, fuzzy little creetur. I miss my son.
And sometimes it just rolls down my eyes.

I know i raised him to be amazing. To make friends. To fight. To survive. To stand tall. And i know i raised him the way i'd raise myself if i could. I raised him to be like me.
Which is why when he got kidnapped, i could reassure myself that he'd be fine. He knows to take care of himself.

But knowing that - i wonder why he didnt escape and come back. which he is, i believe, very capable of. Is there something he wanted to tell me?
Is there something he wanted to teach me?
I guess so.

Coz since the day that his paws didnt crawl back into my bed...im learning. Im learning a lot. Im learning something that i never learnt before.
Im learning to stop bleeding when i feel. Im learning to let my memories be shards of glass that cut through me. Im learning to realise that somethings dont last forever. and that somethings do. Im learning to put the past behind. and its lessons and memories ahead.
Since that day, im learning my most important lesson - the lesson i believe he's taught me. The lesson i believe is the one he wanted me to learn.......

Im learning.... to let go.

4 comments:

  1. I wish he finds his way back to u! :(

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  2. The article touches the reader...

    it explores yet another facet of the human mind - like all your blogs.
    :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh NO!!!! I know how much you loved him :(( Hope he's being looked after well

    ReplyDelete
  4. Awww :( dats sad...... u made me cry...

    ReplyDelete

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