Monday, March 28, 2011

Passport Woes - my encounter with Indian government's epic quixoticism!

Being honest and upright in India, is a bitch - its a royal pain in the ass that's worse than being ass raped by 200 rabid goats and bulls!
the ultimate epitome of the trial for the honest indivividual, is the task of obtaining a passport in india.
my 4 year long ordeal is an epic example of the same. recently imoved to bangalore, so i decided to attempt applying for a passport again...
but this time, im blogging my journey - let's see how it goes.

first i go to the site of the regional passport office - it states that i need to have a long list of documents to get a passport - lemme check now:

(a) Electors Photo Identity Card (EPIC);
i have it. but it is of my mumbai address - where btw, i do not live anymore - and was a rented house anyways, so i bet it wont count.

(b) Service Identity Card issued by State/Central Government, Public Sector Undertakings, local bodies or Public Limited Companies;
wtf is that? if you mean a pan card, yes i have it. but again of an address where neither me nor my family lives anymore. so i guess that wont count either??
will it Shri SM Krishna, Minister of External Affairs????

(c) SC/ST/ OBC Certificates;
im neither. so dont have them.

(d) Freedom Fighter Identity Cards;
no, i dont have any of these. move on.

(e) Arms Licenses;
these neither. im not in politics nor was i brought up in delhi you see. im just a 25 year old advertising bitch!

(f) Property Documents such as Pattas, Registered Deeds etc.;
i have all house documents for the past two years - but i've been living on rent as im independant.
but i don't believe the indian goverment gives a fuck about independant people, coz from my enquiries at the mumbai office, they say i need to have owned the house or lived there for atleast 3 years.
now, if i could afford my own house at age 22, i wouldnt be independant and trying to make a living, would i?
oh, unless you want me to live in an illegal chawl, lick a corrupt politicians ass and get myself a proof of residence like many people i know have done - successfully!

(g) Rations Cards;
well, the adress on the ration card is that of mumbai - and of a house in which my family lived 14 years ago. i dont think that counts. since we moved out of that house, we never made a ration card again, coz we never owned a house again. and i've been travelling and moving homes due to my work and coz of the fact that i live alone. is that my fault?
and our incredible government dosent allow me to make a ration card on a rented house... what am i to do about that???? go live in a chawl again??? or suck up to another politician?

(h) Pension Documents such as ex-servicemen’s Pension Book/Pension Payment order, ex-servicemen’s Widow/Dependent Certificates, Old Age Pension Order, Widow Pension Order;
at 25, i dont think i qualify for pension. so NO i dont have this.

(i) Railway Identity Cards;
Bangalore has a railway???

(j) Income Tax Identity (PAN) Cards;
yes i have it. but again the address registered on it is of a house i dont live in anymore. my tax returns are filed by my CA in mumbai and he manages my accounts and collects my returns. i'm sure i can't give his address as my permanent address now. can i?

(k) Bank/ Kisan/Post Office Passbooks;
my only steady bank account is the one that one of my 6 employers had made for me 6 years ago. it is registered on their office address. so i'm sure that wont count either.
the rest have had mailing address based on the houses that i lived in - with friends, on rent and provided by my work.
i'm sure that are of no help to you guys either. right?

(l) Student Identity Cards issued by Recognized Educational Institutions;
i quit college 6 years ago. so.... well u get the drift.

(m) Driving Licenses; and
again, driving licence is of the mumbai house i lived in back in 2005... nobody lives there anymore. and it was rented. so i guess that wont count either? right?

(n) Birth Certificates issued under the RBD Act.
oh wow! finally one document i do have! my birth certificate!
will that help?
oh, maybe i should mention that it states that i was born in Boisar. but i have lived in mumbai. and now bangalore. does that make a difference?

so, can anyone help me get a passport so that i can finally travel abroad to collect the international awards i've won for my work?
so that i can finally travel abroad to shoot the films that i've written?
so that i can finally visit a place out of my own country and own a passport that says that I've lived in india for the past 25 years and am yet stupidly emotional enough to say that I'm proud to be an Indian????

Someone? anyone? Mr. Manmohan Singh, are you listening?

- Pushkaraj Shirke

TC bank - dream rangers

another good example of short adfilvertising : for TC bank.
These men once were young, now all of them are over 80 years old and one of them recently passed away. This is the story of 6 men, who once drove all across Taiwan. it is based on a true story.

Created by Ogilvy Taiwan
Creative Director: Jennifer Hu
Copywriter: Jennifer Hu, Justin Chia
Art director: Leah Chen
Producer: Abby Ku
Director: Thanonchai

all views expressed belong to an opinionated dickhead called Pushkaraj Shirke. If you have differing views, feel free to share them or visit

weekend photoshoot: episode 2

a fuh-nee, cow like pal with a rabbitty smile (aka Mukta Lad) + my Olympus DSLR + one table lamp = weekend photoshoot: episode 2

PS: i've never endured so much nagging just for a facebook profile photo!!! phewww!

and yes, this one here's my personal favourite of the lot:
(mu ha ha ha ha ha ha!)

- Pushkaraj Shirke

Friday, March 25, 2011

TMB Panyee Footbal Club

TMB bank have launched a new brand vision "Make THE Difference" by making a film to inspire people to start thinking differently. With a hope that they will start to Make THE Difference to their own world. It doesn't have to be big, but a little can create positive changes. This film is based on a true story. In 1986 a football team that lived on a little island in the south of Thailand called "Koh Panyee". It's a floating village in the middle of the sea that has not an inch of soil. The kids here loved to watch football but had nowhere to play or practice. But they didn't let that stop them. They challenged the norm and have become a great inspiration for new generations on the island.

Client: TMB Bank Public Company Limited, Thailand
Advertising Agency: Leo Burnett & Arc Worldwide
Creative Director: Sanpathit Tavijaroen
Art Director: Park Wannasiri
Copywriter: Puttipong Pattanapongsagorn, Chanwit Nimcharoen
Producer: Sompetch Nuntasinrapachai
Account Service: Suthasi Sukpornsinchai, Phatarada Tritiprungroj

Directed by: Matt Devine of The Glue Society,
D.O.P: Geoffrey Simpson, Producer: Alice Grant,
Production Company: Revolver Film.
Editor: Dan Lee @ The Editors.
Music score: Jingle Bells Bangkok.

all views expressed belong to an opinionated dickhead called Pushkaraj Shirke. If you have differing views, feel free to share them or visit

a swan on my window...

a small wound on my leg is bleeding.
its the usual day otherwise. cloudy morning. people too lazy to claim their weekend sleeping in. quiets roads and busy barber shops. but for one motorist who's got some reason to rush back home - who knocks into me as i step across that fateful gate.

"fuck" i mutter "dude... look where you're going"
he almost misses the brown stray who scampers away as soon as the bike halts.

the biker looks more worried than me. don't know the physics of how exactly it happened in that one short screech of a moment but there's a stin on my leg and blood is just beggining to trickle down my denims.
"sorrry sorrry!" he's petrified as people gang up to interfere.

"im ok... its ok" i wave away the people with a light gesture and the guy restarts his bike and hurries on.
i dust off my clothes and walk on towards the place where i'm supposed to meet a friend for brunch. and what lies behind that gate is something i'd never really expected. something i wont be able to explain for a long long time.

as i walk in, i see her. she's just another woman. nothing special - i heuristically judge by the auto-pilot system every man is born with. she's not even my 'type' - if there's such a thing that is.
no black nailpaint. no tattoos. no glares that hide her eyes. not even an athletic figure. she's just sitting there simply in her black embroidered kurti and white denims. like buddha under the tree. only that she's got no halo around her - instead she's got her silky hair in a small bun kept in place with a little wooden pin. she's writing in a little notebook that seems expensive.

A tiny roughly made candy paper origami swan sits beside her.

I 'm used to evaluating people and it's a function of myself that i can't really stop anymore. i size up people and categorize them - no one's special - everyone fits into one of the 24 categories i know. and it's pretty perfect.
i haven't even walked upto the lobby as yet, and she's already a specimen. filed. and placed.

plinkkk. plinkkk.
my cell beeps and i pick up to answer, turning around expecting to see my friend walk in from the gate.

"dude, i'm so sorry. i'll be 10 mins late."
"as usual" i smile as if she can see my smile. "its ok. im already here. buzz me when you reach. come fast."
she mumbles something on the other end - or actually, that's just what i can make out as i passively switch off the call as i turn around again to sit on the stairs. She's right opposite me. still writing something.

a stray walks up to her from nowhere. and she's mildly shocked for a moment. is she that delicate? stupid chick! i speak to myself in my head. but then she sees the dog looking up to her and lays aside the book. she quells her fear and reaches out her hand to the dog who curiously comes up to it and touches it with his snout - touching her fingers with a tiny acknowledging lick. and i think that's the moment it happened. she smiles like she's never had such a moment ever before.
its as if eve touched another living creature for the first time. she's full of surprise and amazement and excitement and all kinds of emotions powerful enough to make her fair cheeks blush up with joy. and over-ride that still existent minute wall of fear.
and she looks up at me with that smile still on her face....

yes, that's the moment.
all those little files in my head are scattered. infact, for that one moment, there's no file drawer itself anymore. its a clean, empty desk. maybe with a candy paper origami swan on it at the most.

i smile back out of reflex. definitely not intentionally - coz im way too confused at having my mind behave this way. and then i smile again, this time intentionally as i walk up to her seeing that she's still a little afraid.
"he wont bite. he likes you."
and she says the most unusual response i've ever heard to that statement: "i feel it." she smiled. "i like him too".

my walk almost pauses as i slow down - amused. most people would say 'are you sure?'.. 'oh he's so cute!'.. 'do you know him'... or some similar usual chatter. but not her. she had already established a mutual reciprocation of emotions between them. and the dog seemed to understand that.
he needed to be loved. and she was capable of loving. it was that simple to them both.

and i stood there, still trying to find a file, again.
the origami bird on the table is the same bird she's left behind under the tree with her diary.

"he seems hungry" i say looking at his frail frame.
"come, let's get him some food" she quickly responds.
my mind says - helllo! you don't even know me and now you want me to go with you and get the dog some food? yes i love dogs. but 'let US get him some food?' that's only the second sentence we spoke!
and yet for some strange reason, i find myself complying to that request... maybe coz a hint of that smile still lingers there.

i pet the little brown mutt and he scampers along with us back to the gate side chai-tapri.
"you shouldn't ignore that cut you know" pointing at my leg she speaks in a clear voice that sounds much like genuine concern... looking at me with those eyes that seem to belong to a 5 year old...
and i realise that i'm walking with a limp - and yet had no sense of the pain all this while. what's wrong with me???

"bhaiiyaaaa... ek packet biscuit dena" she squeaks in the tiniest little kitten voice i've ever heard. and that's pain vanished again as she leans over the shelf for the biscuits i notice her again.
yes again. post my heuristic analysis of her. those soft breasts aren't shoved up with any padding - they seem to melt onto the hard wood of the shelf as they graze against them.
her kurti extends right upto the lower line of her not athletically shapely but yet existent buttocks. her white denims hiding her frail legs that taper down into her pink, out of place pumas.
who wears white denims with pink pumas? seriously???

the judgemental bitch in me is on overdrive but i end up saying "sweet shoes!" and smile. why? i don't know. but they do seem very sweet on her. in fact it would be tough to find anything that would not ook sweet/gorgeous/wonderful on her.
why? she isnt something dropdead gorgeous! where are those files??? and what's that stupid origami bird doing on my table?

she hands the shopkeeper a 5 ruppee coin and turns around
"bad bad habit"
i'm taken aback. did she see me check her out? or is she speaking about my files? oh come on - how would she know! stupid me.
"eh???" i ask with a monosyllable.
she sits down, opening the biscuit pack "sit stupid!" she says while feeding the dog. "show me your leg."
am i missing something here? i think as i continue complying, placing myself on the bench while saying "naaah! its alright!"
"shut up and show me"
i like her. do i? i do. i think.
but why? no way. shut up. where are those files gone? i need to look for more clues.
the dog is now munching on the biscuits as i pet him with one hand and pull up my denims with the other.

"do you order around all strangers you meet?" i ask with a laugh
"that depends on what you mean by strangers - or how you define strangers. right?"
something's wrong here. why is she speaking my words? this is what i say.
i want to know her. i need to know her.
i look at her as she cleans my cut with some water and i could have sworn it was a wound a while back.
"its just a cut"
"yeah. silly biker. the world's full of strangers who are friends right?"
she giggles and blinks both eyes like a kid as if she caugh me playfully taunting her.
that smile again. i need to know her better but my friend will be here any moment.
should i get her number? she seems to be nice. very nice. ok, whom am i fooling? - i'm smitten!

"it'll heal ok?" she prescribes her care in those words. bleeeep bleeeeep. she looks at her silver plated cell.
and as i smile in acknowledgement of her mothering. that's when she drops those words : "i need to go now. you take care."
i'm taken aback again - she was right here this instant. what happened now. "why?" i ask
but without an answer she scurries away like the dog after the accident. before i can put my denim down n follow her out, she's almost into her yellow little car.

as she turns to sit inside, the kurti gets caught on the door and peels away with a small tear at the seams.
small enough to allow a glimpse of her white waist, with small brown circular patches. and a streak running up towards her breast.
is that a tattooo????? that's strange! who is she? and what happened?
she shrugs it off and sits in. shuts the door and the engine revs to life. and she drives away.
the cut dosent hurt anymore. where did she go? did we even have that bizzare encounter? and how could i forget to even ask her name???

wait. should i even bother. this is stupid.

plinkkk. plinkkk.
my cell goes off again. "im at the gate, where are you?"
"just coming!"
i shrug it off. i go hug my friend at the gate.
we walk towards the stairs and im walking without a limp.
"sorry i got late. lets go eat, im hungry...."
im listening as we are walking in and those words fade away as i look at that paper swan still under the tree. the diary was gone. i wonder who took it? she was gone. i wonder why?

"just a minute." i walk down the stairs back to the tree, pick up the little swan, smile, shrug my head and walk back to the stairs.
"what's that?"
"... just a swan" i say as we rush up the stairs together.

at night i sleep. without a limp. just a bruise. the files are back on my desk. but there's no file for her. there's just a swan for that. and a lot of questions... a lot of questions that make me smile.

actually, the swan's not really on my desk. the swan's on my window.... and i'm falling asleep.

- Pushkaraj Shirke

Powers of Ten

This classic film takes us on an adventure in magnitudes.

It's quite a trip considering all they've done is zoomed in, and zoomed out (visually)!

Starting at a picnic by the lakeside in Chicago, this famous film transports us to the outer edges of the universe.

Every ten seconds we view the starting point from ten times farther out until our own galaxy is visible only a s a speck of light among many others.

Returning to Earth with breathtaking speed, we move inward- into the hand of the sleeping picnicker- with ten times more magnification every ten seconds.

Our journey ends inside a proton of a carbon atom within a DNA molecule in a white blood cell.

watch it:

all views expressed belong to an opinionated dickhead called Pushkaraj Shirke. If you have differing views, feel free to share them or visit

Thursday, March 24, 2011

the social network

monkeyrating: 9/10

genre: Drama Biography (and in the future- History)

waddabout: the almost true story of how the greatest change of the decade - FACEBOOK, came about.

i say: if you are in this decade, have an account on facebook or are just looking for an unconventional success story filled with attitude - this is the film for you! must watch for every buzzing youngster for sure!

# according to me, this movie deserved the Oscar for best film and best director.

monkeyrespect to: David Fincher without a doubt - flawless direction! he keeps the pace ticking in a movie about computer geeks! that's like making a game of chess look like a MMA match! sheer brilliance!

Aaron Sorkin - absolute greatness in dialogue and screenplay! his words are like punches in a professional boxing match - jab - jab - jab - punch! every word hits and stings, all the way to a knockout!
a true master of dialogue driven screenplay!

Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross won their truly deserved Oscar for Original Score. their music keeps flowing seamlessly building the mood of everyscene and adding anticipation about the next in every sequence!

#must mention here that Justin Timberlake's rendition of Sean parker, as short as may be, leaves a lasting impression! what a character!!!! you hate him(the character), but cant stop admiring him!!!!
for me, the most memorable words from the movie are delivered by him: "i'm ceo, bitch!" and "a million dollars aint cool. you know what's cool? a billion dollars!" - profound and spunky!

trivia note: the movie is based on a book - 'The Accidental Billionaires: The Founding of Facebook A Tale of Sex, Money, Genius and Betrayal' (2009) by Ben Mezrich. 

watch the trailer:

all views expressed belong to an opinionated dickhead called Pushkaraj Shirke. If you have differing views, feel free to share them or visit

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Andaaz Apna Apna

monkeyrating: 10/10

genre: Comedy

waddabout: Two idiotic conmen competing for the hand of a heiress and end up falling in love and into a messed up plot trying to save her from an eeeevvvvil criminal.

i say: your stomach will HURT with laughter! must must must watch!!!! the most awesome comedy to ever be made in the indian film industry!!! MUST WATCH! (ok that's enough i guess! phew!)

monkeyrespect to: Rajkumar Santoshi for having made this piece of epic awesomness! and to Amir Khan, who's as incredible as ever in the film
also to Shakti Kapoor - for the epic avataar of CRIMEMASTER GOGO...
and ofcourse PARESH RAWAL for his super incredible double role that leaves me in splits everytime i watch him!!!!
basically, monkeyrespect to everyone who's worked on and in this film - epic awesomeness is the word!

trivia note: this movie flopped! was a commercial box office washout. but yet is today the highest selling movie on DVD - even over sholay, which is considered by many as bollywood's greatest film. hah!

watch a hilarious scene from the film:

all views expressed belong to an opinionated dickhead called Pushkaraj Shirke. If you have differing views, feel free to share them or visit

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Tropic Thunder

monkeyrating: 8/10

Action | Adventure | Comedy

waddabout: a New comer film maker, millions of dollars wasted in budget and a mega trio of superstars plague a jungle action movie. The inept director carries out an plan to shoot the movie reality show style leading to deadly yet hilarious consequences!

i say: Seeing Robert Downey Jr playing a nigger is priceless, his accent and demeanor is laugh out loud funny! This parody of apocalypse now! And platoon type movies is an must see for comedy lovers.

pandarespect to: Tom cruise for playing the hot headed producer Les Grossman, he is gross, ugly and vulgar. Not to mention hilarious. The movie opening is sheer brilliance with fake ads revealing the characters to us without being totally obvious. Special mention for the dialogs such as “you never go full retard”. This movie is a must watch for spoof fans, as an action film it can stand on its own with some funny yet bombastic action sequences.

trivia note: the movie is based on an idea ben stiller had when his fellow actors and friends were going off to fake boot camps to get the sense of being a soldier. Stiller found it to be ridiculous because a fake boot camp won’t even be close to a real war!

watch the trailer:
all views expressed belong to an opinionated fellow dickhead called Rohon Nag. you have differing views, feel free to share them or visit

Monday, March 21, 2011

The art of the title sequence

I've always believed that the title sequence itself is a piece of art. its iconic. it grabs the nature of the film and preps you up for the experience. always thought that it dosent get enough credit.
and then, here we go - it finally recieves its due. And alsoa short film to commemorate its awesomeness!
check it out:

A Brief History of Title Design from Ian Albinson on Vimeo.

borrowed from:
all views expressed belong to an opinionated dickhead called Pushkaraj Shirke. If you have differing views, feel free to share them or visit

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

monkeyrating: 8/10

Action | Adventure | Comedy

waddabout: The groovy 60’s spy Austin Powers, whose enemies fear him, women love him and rivals want to be him, is frozen cryogenically and woken up in the 1990’s. He is on the trail of the evil Dr….umm Evil. (An obvious spoof of the 70’s James bond movies, Dr Evil is a caricature of the famous Bond villain Ernst Stavro Blofeld.)

i say: You can't afford to miss this one!!!! definitely one of my fav anytime anywhere watch comedy movies ever! as austin would put it: this's movie's got the MOJO bababyy!!!

pandarespect to: Mike Myers for playing both the hero and the villain. His lines as Austin powers is audacious at best, things like “groovy baby... yeah” “Oh Behave!” etc are instantly quotable. His Dr Evil persona is different enough in look and personality to not instantly alert that it’s the same actor playing both parts. Mike's mojolicious charm shines through even with his bad teeth, googfy goggles and his weird hairstyle, this is how it was meant to be and the real brilliance of the movie is apparent. Austin Powers fully functions as a spy flick in its own right plus it spoofs all kinds of movies in a subtle way, its funnier portions are when characters refer to the obvious stupidity of a villain feeding his nemesis and then trying to off him with a silly plan.

Mike Myers can't be thanked enough for popularising awesome words like shagedelic, grrovy, mojo, shagalicious and other swinger slang! you gotta enjoy it everytime you see him yap those words!

trivia note: Vanessa (Liz Hurley) had red tape over her breasts in the famous nude yet hidden by movie props sequence. This was done so that photographers on set couldn’t sell nude pictures of her.
In 2006 this movie was voted one among the 50 top comedies of all time, by Premiere.

watch the trailer: it's GROOOVY babayyy!

all views expressed belong to an opinionated fellow dickhead called Rohon Nag. If you have differing views, feel free to share them or visit

Thursday, March 17, 2011

what's releasing and what to watch in 2011!

of all the releases coming up this year, i've highlighted the ones worth being looked forward to - either as a film, or for effects or treatment or even just out of curiosity - in red.
and tried to pack in a teaser/trailer for yer viewing too! enjoy - and mark up that list! :D
the updated trailers are always updated as soon as they are released. once released, if good, you are likely to find the review here on monkeyworksmovies itself!

n enjoy the ride:




Recently updated trailer:

Quick preview of all gr8 films releasing in 2011 in one awesome collage of awesomeness:



Johnny Depp plays Rango an ordinary chameleon who accidentally winds up in the town of Dirt, a lawless outpost in the Wild West in desperate need of a new sheriff.
Battle: Los Angeles Mars Needs Moms! Jane Eyre Red Riding Hood Kill the Irishman Elektra Luxx Certified Copy Black Death Forks Over Knives
Bill Cunningham New York
The Butcher, The Chef and The Swordsman Lord of the Dance 3D
Limitless Cracks Paul The Lincoln Lawyer Win Win Desert Flower Winter in Wartime The Music Never Stopped
Sucker Punch

Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules Miral The 5th Quarter Dumbstruck Peep World Some Days Are Better than Others Potiche Korkoro April

The Edge Last Night A Little Help
DAM 999 Super Hop Mother's Day Source Code Trust Insidious The Princess of Montpensier Rubber The Last Godfather The Mighty Macs In a Better World
Soul Surfer Your Highness Arthur Hanna Ceremony Meek's Cutoff Born to be Wild Henry's Crime Meet Monica Velour
Scream 4 Rio The Conspirator Atlas Shrugged Part 1 Decisions
Water for Elephants African Cats Apollo 18 Incendies Tyler Perry's Madea's Big Happy Family Legend of the Fist: The Return of Chen Zhen Intent POM Wonderful Presents: The Greatest Movie Ever Sold
Fast Five

Prom Cave of Forgotten Dreams Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil Dylan Dog: Dead of Night That's What I Am Sympathy for Delicious May

Something Borrowed
The Beaver

Jumping the Broom Daydream Nation There Be Dragons Passion Play
Priest Bridesmaids Everything Must Go Hesher The First Grader Skateland How to Live Forever
Midnight in Paris

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

Captain Jack Sparrow played by Johnny Depp will continue his search of the Fountain of Youth through the stormy seas, and this time he'll be accompanied by Angelica, the daughter of the infamous Blackbeard played by Penelope Cruz. Unlike the previous films, which were shot primarily on location in the Caribbean, "Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides" has most of its production in Hawaii. Directed by Chicago director Rob Marshall, this 3D fantasy action-adventure film is releasing on May 20, 2011.
The Hangover 2

With cameos made by Bill Clinton, Mel Gibson and Zac Efron, "The Hangover (Part II)" directed by Todd Phillips is getting bigger this time. The laughing riot is expected to create more laughter as the prequel had set the mood. The expectation from part II is sky high. "The Hangover (Part II)" will hit the cinemas on May 26, 2011. So, hold your breath.

Kung Fu Panda 2

The Tree of Life June

Love Etc.
X-Men: First Class

Beginners The Last Mountain Submarine
Super 8 The Troll Hunter Judy Moody
Green Lantern

Mr. Popper's Penguins Homework
Cars 2

Bad Teacher A Better Life July

Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Monte Carlo Larry Crowne
Zookeeper Horrible Bosses One Day
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part II Winnie the Pooh Snow Flower and the Secret Fan Life Above All
Captain America: The First Avenger

Friends with Benefits

justin timberlake really seems to be cutting it as an actor!!!! first SEAN PARKER in the social network - n then this!!!
Another Earth Sarah's Key
Cowboys and Aliens Crazy, Stupid, Love August

The Whistleblower
The Smurfs
The Darkest Hour The Change Up The Sitter Dirty Girl
Don't Be Afraid of the Dark 30 Minutes or Less The Help
Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World Fright Night The Mistaken
Conan The Barbarian 3D

Final Destination 5
The Debt September

The Loop
Colombiana Untitled 3D Shark Thriller
Warrior Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star
Piranha 3 DD Straw Dogs Johnny English Reborn Drive
Abduction Moneyball Dolphin Tale
What's Your Number? Anonymous Dream House Courageous 50/50 October

The Rum Diary So Undercover
Real Steel Wanderlust
The Thing Footloose The Three Musketeers The Ides of March The Big Year
Red State
Paranormal Activity 3 Contagion 
Now Dibbuk Box

Leo Tolstoy: Genius Alive
Puss in Boots

Tower Heist
Immortals Jack and Jill
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn
Happy Feet 2 in 3-D
Rise of the Apes Project X The Greatest Muppet Movie Ever Made Arthur Christmas Hugo Cabret
Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy
New Year's Eve
Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol

Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
The Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn

Directed by Steven Spielberg, produced by Peter Jackson, this motion capture 3-D film is bringing the Herge's vision into the big screen. 'Adventures Of Tintin: The Secret Of The Unicorn' is based on the central character, Tintin, a young reporter, created by Belgian artist Georges Remi, also known by his pen name 'Herge'. Likely to be released on December 23, 2011, this will be the first Spielberg film to be shot digitally.
We Bought a Zoo
War Horse
lemme know what r u looking forward to - or if i missed any releases worth being listed! :)
all views expressed belong to an opinionated dickhead called Pushkaraj Shirke. If you have differing views, feel free to share them or visit

Weekend Photoshoot - episode 1

my friend Roxanne Burczyk came down from belgium. we had a lazy free weekend afternoon. and i had my camera. therefore - a weekend photoshoot.
Thanks Roxie.
Pushkaraj Shirke

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Most Quotable Movie Dialogues

there are some movie dialogues, that when used in everyday speech just make your day!
this list is my compilation of those awesome words!

yippie ki yay, motherfucker!

-die hard

frankly my dear, I don't give a damn!
-gone with the wind
you want the truth? you can't handle the truth!

-a few good men
i'll be back

here's looking at you babe

tonight, we dine in hell!

are you not entertained???

you had me at 'hello'

-jerry maguire
show me the money!

-jerry maguire
it's not the years honey, its the mileage.

-indiana jones
my preccciioouusssss!

-lord of the rings
may the force be with you!

-star wars
i'll have what she's having

-when harry met sally
well, its not the men in your life that counts, it's the life in your men

-i'm no angel
shaken, not stirred

-james bond movies
you talkin to me?

do ya feel lucky, Punk?

-dirty harry
my mama always said, 'life was like a box of chocolates; you never know what you're gonna get.'

-forrest gump
life aint all sunshine and rainbows...

-rocky balboa
make him an offer he can't refuse

-the godfather

houston, we have a problem

-apollo 13
do you have any movie dialogues that you love to quote in everyday life? share them with everyone by leaving a comment below :)
all views expressed belong to an opinionated dickhead called Pushkaraj Shirke. If you have differing views, feel free to share them or visit

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

I am Legend

monkeyrating: 7/10

Sci-Fi / Drama / Thriller

waddabout: the lone survivor of a city long destroyed by a plague that turns the living into zomboid creatures lives on in hope of finding other survivors and a cure/reversal to the plague.
i say: i hate zombie flicks. BUT this one is a masterpiece in the genre. It is intelligent, striking, touches an emotional chord, is realistic and has Will Smith! More of a true Sci-Fi movie than a scary Zombie flick. Definitely worth a watch!

monkeyrespect to: Will Smith, brings the loneliness of the lone survivor to life... In my opinion, better than what Tom Hanks did in cast away. Brilliant to the maxxxx! he serves you every emotion on a platter!
The Sound Design team on the movie deserves respect too - for the way they've played with every echo, every scream, every twang of chord snap to bring emotion into every scene. pretty awesome!

And of course - respect to Richard Matheson who wrote the book I AM LEGEND in 1954. The book was adapted to film twice before - The Last Man on Earth in 1964 and The Omega Man in 1971.
trivia note: Due to test audience's dislike of the film's original ending, several scenes were significantly altered before the film's release, especially the standoff between Neville and the infected in his laboratory. Personally, i prefer the original ending.
supporting short films to the movie: Actually, watch these animated comics - To add drama to the movie, the producers of I AM LEGEND made some animated comic movies based on other parts of the US and the World. Basically these animated comics showed the straggles, desperation and other experiences of other survivors.

watch the trailer:

Monday, March 14, 2011

Blade Runner

monkeyrating: 8/10

genre: Sci-Fi / Drama

waddabout: a man whose job is to retire (kill) replicants/artificially created humans that have gone truant is on a task to kill a team that has returned to earth to meet their maker. The journey leaves him thinking.

i say: this my darlings, is ART and COSTUME heaven!!! made in 1982, this futuristic movie is way ahead of its time - literally! Watch it for that. and not just that, also for the thought that it's end leaves lingering within you. an action-packed film that's profund in thought - just the way i like it!

monkeyrespect to: Rutger Hauer as the Truant Replicant clearly outperforms Harrisson Ford in this movie - yet he didnt get the fame he deserved for this movie.
The art, set design, sfx and costume teams on this movie - LEGENDARY SALUTE to you guys! I dont think any student in film can truly learn film without having noticed and appreciated your awesomeness in this one.

And of course - respect to the one and only RIDLEY SCOTT. for his awesome direction and vision - and for successfully just taking the 'essence' of Philip Dick's book 'DO ANDROIDS DREAM OF ELECTRICAL SHEEP' and making a great movie out of it!

trivia note: in this movie, a number of the companies had their logos appear in the film. all of those companies had financial difficulties after the film was released, despite being market leaders in 1981/1982. this phenomenon was called THE BLADERUNNER CURSE!

watch the trailer:

all views expressed belong to an opinionated dickhead called Pushkaraj Shirke. If you have differing views, feel free to share them or visit

I've been tagged - again! new quiz!

Chirag tagged me (coz i read his blog! damn!) so now i have to post this confessional note:

A) Five things in my room (hey! stop peeking!)
1. the most awesome movie station you've seen - with 750  movie dvds + a PS2 and PS2 dvds
2. a red guitar and lots of song notes
3. pets: my dog, yes my dinosaur like son sleeps in my house. and a KOALACOWtm.
4. nunchucks, knives, a bo-staff and skipping rope.
5. graffitti, paintings, advertising books and movie posters decorating the walls

B) Five things in my bag (if you opened it w/o my permission, you'd embarass urself!)
1. swiss knife and other 'protection' :-P
2. money
3. i-pod and THE blackberry
4. trackpants and a tee
5. drawing pad and lots of pens and pencils

C) Five things in my wallet (go ahead, put in some money)
1. money - though i'm open to further donations always
2. a blade
3. a pic of a mad creetur i love
4. atm cards - NO CREDIT CARDS. EVER.
5. a driving licence.

- Pushkaraj Shirke

Friday, March 11, 2011

A love letter to My Corrupt India

My Dear Incredibly Corrupt India,
for the lack of a better adjective that encapsulates your greatness, i've chosen the word corrupt. the 'incredibly' before it comes straight from the heart.
for 25 years of my life on this planet, i never paid a bribe. i never broke a rule. i stood in the lines that you asked me to - through your systems and institutions, your so called governing forces (read cops). Thanks to that i don't have a passport, i don't get a ration card, i'm not allowed to register a permanent residence unless i live in a chawl or promise to vote for a corrupt politician who will then issue me papers. and i can't believe what a fool i've been! 

All this while, in being with you, i've been blind to your true beauty. your true beauty dosent lie in your, culture, your people or your heritage. it lies in your fargility. it leaves me spellbound. All this while i thought it was your weakness, but i was wrong. And thank you for being so patient and opening my eyes. Your true beauty lies in your corruption!

Of all places in the world, in India, everyone is equal. Many countries just boast of equality - but You India, You practice it! here, it dosent matter who you are, where you come from, which god you pray to or even what sexual orientation you have! In your arms, everyone is equal. ofcourse the only condition being that they have that little green wad of cash.

You are so forgiving about everything, it makes me weep. Just yesterday, when i paid a bribe for the first time in my life i learnt your most valuable lesson! I learnt that paying that bribe isn't really a bribe. It's just using the money you have to buy some measly cop's, government official's, system drone's self respect. anyways, its not wrong coz neways they have almost none. That makes me look aroud at the legislation on your lands and i realise that 80% of the cases in police stations never end up in arrests! the 20% that do are coz they couldnt afford a bribe or just don't have enough money to bribe all the layers in your system. I look back at the cases that come into the media and vanish equally effortlessly that its not about how right or wrong you are, but about how rich or poor you are! of course, if you are poor and still want justice, in India, you can always have a company/organisation/media channel piggyback your case to earn it some publicity - in return for which you could get justice. and they'd earn the greens! In your hands, the act of forgiveness so uncomplicated and simple: money = forgiveness.

You really make me want to be a better man. at the same time you teach me the delicate truth that better, actually means richer. coz once you have money in India, you are practically untouchable! you can make arrests vanish, laws dissapear, even if arrested recieve VIP treatment, get papers without owning property, rape, kill, murder, raze villages and towns even... and get away with it! You make any man feel like God! and what do you ask for in return? just a little patch of green. India my darling, you truly make me want to be a richer man.

Thank you so much for being so patient with all my virtues and crap, and thank you for showing me the way. Thank you for being the amazing country that you are.

Yours lovingly, and no more virtuously,
Pushkaraj Shirke

PS: I promise that i will never again reject the liberties you offer so lovingly. I will flout every rule in each of your systems henceforth and make sure that i respect the love of corruption and chaos that you so dedicatedly stand for in everywalk of life.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Building Washboard Abs in 30 Days - Can it be done?

somewhere close to ryan reynolds
- minus the photoshop and makeup
This starts from me having lost 6 kgs in 30 days. then dropped 4 more kgs and built 4 kgs of muscle mass again. Given that comes the first prerequisite necessary for this challenge - a fit body and a reasonably developed core. What this one month will be dedicated to is chiselling definition into that 6 pack and make them absolute washboard abs.
Honestly, if you are fit, you already have a 6-pack. just that it is covered with layers of fat that make it difficult to view. Drop that last layers of fat (and water) from underneath your skin, and the abs will be visible.

WHY GET WASHBOARD ABS? well, just like that! :) and anyways my sister always keeps saying that i've never had washboard abs. coz personally i quite detest them - they are show off muscles - whenever you pursue real strength, its very unlikely you'll have body fat low enough to show off complete washboard abs. But just this once, to prove a point, i'm chasing em.
note: don't chase what you see in magazines and media - most of that is steroids, photoshop, makeup, lighting, after touching etc etc etc.

There are 3 things to remember -

1. RUN FAT BOY RUN: no matter how much of this crap you've heard, but there is no such thing as natural specific part fat loss - so when you are chiselling off the fat, you're gonna be losing fat all over - so jump start your metabolism with cardio workouts every alternate day and for 10 mins post every weight training workout. Remember to not make the cardio workout repetitive. if you run one day, cycle the next, and row after that and cycle after that. change it every other day. run-cycle-row-alternator-skip-repeat.

2. WEIGHT TRAIN: Keep doing your workouts for the whole body - as there is no such thing as spot specific fat loss. You need to workout heavy to cause more muscle trauma to increase your BMR to burn fat even when your body is idle. That is what will take off the fat so that your abs are revealed. And the more well hypertrophied your abs are, the better they will look. So don't just do cardio that will cause muscle loss and make your abs vanish.
Where comes in my fav workout quote: "you are only truly as strong as your core". It's true.
Focus  on structural movements like weighted squats and dead lifts and clean and jerks - as they put immense pressure on your core structural muscles which causes the highest amount of micro muscle trauma.
Additionally, you can do ab crunches, oblique crunches and wood-choppers on cardio days. (remember to not over train or the muscle will not develop and an injury will ruin 2-3 weeks of your workout - or more)

3. DIET: THIS is the GOD of all routines - the true secret behind all those fab bodies you see - but even more so for building washboard abs. Why? Coz the only way to reduce fat, is to burn it and avoid formation of new fat - without losing your very precious and awesome muscle mass. That means regulating your diet.
Switch to being a total carnivore - eat meats, whole eggs and protein rich foods and protein shakes. If that's not possible and you are vegetarian, load up on the whey proteins. Skip ALL the carbs possible except one green leafy vegetable salad a day. no carbs = no fruits or fruit juices, no breads and rice, no veggies, and no milk and sugar.
FAT IS NOT THE ENEMY, CARBOHYDRATE IS. Especially the high glycemic index carbs.
A bodybuilding ketogenic diet will give you the best results:

note: using a good combination of thermogenic and non thermogenic fatburners from a trusted nutrition brand (ideally among the top 5 in the world) could help you shred those last bits of fat away. But be wary of sleepless nights when on fatburners. AND DO NOT FALL FOR DIET PILLS - they are a farce.

must note again: while you do all of this its important to do weights for the entire body too. do not ignore all other body parts coz the more muscle you build, the faster you'll burn fat even when you are not exercising! :) Plus, it will give your abs and core the break they need to rebuild, recover and relax.

and no... this won't work. seriously.

It's good to space out your workout in such a way that you maximize cardio and abs workouts and alternate those days with other body part workouts.
Figure out how tired you get and which muscles interfere with your workout the other day and make a plan accordingly.

day 1: Legs
day 2: cardio
day3: back + rear delt + bicep
day4: abs + cardio  (in that order - coz once you have fatigued, you can't put high effort into your muscles)
day5: chest + shoulder + tricep
day 6: abs+ cardio  (in that order)
day 7: REST

NOTE: REST is important. don't skip it or your body will suffer. Bodybuilding is a tripod of training, nutrition and rest & recovery. if any one leg fails, the tripod falls.

enjoy your abs!

- Pushkaraj Shirke

Wednesday, March 9, 2011


monkeyrating: 9/10

genre: Drama

waddabout: a mosaic of several interconnected stories dealing with racism, prejudice, crime, life, identity issues and the twists life serves - set within 2 days in the fast paced city of LA.

i say: must watch! no other movie has ever enveloped such a wide plethora of human emotions and issues in such a short time, and that too so beautifully!

monkeyrespect to: Paul Haggis - for his story that spilled over equally beautifully into his direction. For the uninitiated, it is Paul who also wrote Clint Eastwood's Million Dollar Baby. I sure look forward to a lot more from him very soon.
 - though, his awesomeness is in a great way subject to editor Hughes Winborne for his super incredible editing, which is some of the best i've ever seen!

Also a must mention in terms of performances is Matt Dillon - his acting makes you hate him in flesh in the character of the racist cop... at the same time feel him, pity him and eventually forgive him somewhere in the back of your mind. Moving - to say the very least.

note: this movie, again like Kill Bill, is an example of POSTMODERN FILM-MAKING. bollywood successfully copied its structure and made a film titled Mumbai Meri Jaan, which shamelessly is also good and won many awards and crtical acclaim in India.

watch the trailer: the voiceover itself serves you the essence of the movie on a platter - leaves you thinking:

all views expressed belong to an opinionated dickhead called Pushkaraj Shirke. If you have differing views, feel free to share them or visit

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

The Child Who never Grew Up

I wondered how I would make my advertising CV in the format I love the most - film.

At an interview, the first question asked to me was always 'so how did you end up in advertising?'.
So I decided to let a film answer that for me.

One lazy sunday afternoon, took a whiteboard, a sony handheld camera and a few things lying around the house and made this film. Asked my girlfriend to do the voiceover for me.
And hey presto!
this was the film that came out!

THE CHILD WHO NEVER GREW UP.The story of my struggle with dyslexia and issues with growing up leading to a career in advertising.
620 hand drawn frames. 6 hours of editing. a soundtrack from twilight. and an awesome girlfriend who agreed to VO it for me.
Won me a few good job offers and an award for short-film animation.
Watch it and let me know how you find it:

Did you relate to it in any way? any comments?

all views expressed belong to an opinionated dickhead called Pushkaraj Shirke. If you have differing views, feel free to share them or visit

HOW to 'Look Into' a Film?

Growing up on movies with a movie loving dad teaches you a few lessons in cinema real fast. The most basic one being how to look into a movie.
I used to wonder how my dad could see a movie over and over again - but today i do the same. Why? coz we're not looking at the movie like most people would. We look into the movie. The best movies have so many layers that just can't possibly be appreciated or truly enjoyed in just one viewing.
For starters, this could possibly be your quickest guide into film appreciation and viewing. the next time you pick your favourite film for viewing, look into these aspects and you'll know what makes that difference to your favourite movie:

(1) Screenplay Screenplay is the language in which the 'film' is communicating to you. Every gesture should add to the words, every tone of voice should be towards making you FEEL the idea being communicated, the pace should be just right and IT SHOULD KEEP YOU HOOKED. Even if its just a shot of a sofa on the porch, it should have a meaning in teh context of the film.

Juno has GREAt screenplay!
even a boring story told intrestingly on screen? that's good communication skills. that's Screenplay.
Hitchcock said, “The three most vital elements in any good film are the script, the script, the script.” And watching a movie in the right way can teach you a ton about how to structure “the script”.
One of the best ways is to watch the clock as you go.
At about 12 – 15 minutes in, you should hit the inciting incident.
24 -30 minutes – the character is locked in, propelling him into the second act tension.
The practical experience of seeing and analyzing the parts of a script, with stopwatch in hand, is key to identify major plot points, three act structure and the eight sequences in a film.

(2) ActingGood acting – you know it when you see it. Great actors, however, can do very little to improve bad material, but mediocre actors can shine quite bright when working with awesome material. So if a film has a fantastic screenplay with amazing talent – even if the execution of the many other elements are less than perfect – the movie should still be a success.
A good example of how good acting can save a relatively 'oh i've seen that before' movie is THE FIGHTER. Christian Bale, despite being the supporting actor delivers a performance that makes you drop your jaw in awe! In fact, i would go on as to say that he is the one that makes the movie truly worth watching! Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler, Seann Penn in Mystic River, and you'll notice the same.

(3) DirectionGreat directors are not necessarily “control freaks.” But control is an essential part of their job description. Directing is all about vision. And great directors are master mechanics of
(a) controlling a crystal clear vision
(b) surrounding themselves with people who can execute that vision, and
(c) making sure that all individuals involved understand and embrace that vision.
If a movie loses its vision, or even worse, never had one to begin with… Blame the director!
He/She is the broadway magician, the circus master, the God of the world you are paying to see. A director is the only guy who has no excuse for a bad film. It's his job to keep you rooted. Period.

(4) CinematographyFilm is a visual medium, and fantastic photography occurs when the camera becomes an extension of the human eye. A great DP makes us feel like we’re really there discovering for ourselves or along with the characters, versus watching as non-active observers from the outside. Look for cinematography that is rarely static, and instead transforms itself into the eyes of the viewer. Cinematorgraphy is the art of making the camera an eye that gives you a 'perspective'. Some directors and cinematographers give that power even to a static camera - especially japanese directors.
I don't really need to explain this. If you see a film and feel like you've really SEEN something - its good cinematography in play.

(5) EditingIf the script, as Hitchcock suggests, is the most important element in a film, then editing has to come in as a close second. Editing is basically visual writing. Sure, there’s the script as a guide, but often things change during photography, shots are missed, added, and sometimes the script was a mess to begin with. The editor has a monumental job: fix all the problems, create the illusion of continuity, and ensure smooth transitioning in the flow of the film. Many bad directors, actors, and writers have been saved in the editing room.
Editing becomes even more important when you are switching the time continumm in films. flashback, present, future, flash back, future, presnt - if an editor is good, he'll keep you in place. a bad editor will leave you feeling stuck in a washing machine of a movie.

For the perfect example of good editing, go watch CRASH. The timelapses are almost flawless! the script stays on track despite the layers of different stories and an ever jumping time track!

Another director who has had the sense to work with stylish editing in all his films, in my opinion, is Guy Ritchie. The scenes move fast, crisply, stylistically, without one losing track of the script. Watch the first 20 mins of Rock'n'Rolla and you'll know what i mean.
(6) Lighting & Art Direction/CostumeStark hard lighting. A single, swaying light bulb. A beam of moonlight piercing through a dungeon cell. Mood – either in a particular scene or as an entire film – is often determined by lighting and location. The way shadows fall, the actual types of sets used, and how images are revealed are essential to establishing atmosphere. Imagine a beggar walking into the scene with a pair of brand new sneakers and a shirt that looks new yet artificially torn. what a mojo killer! That's bad costume killing the movie right there!

Watch any Tim Burton movie and you'll know the power art direction and costumes hold over a movie.

They can take you to another place and time and make you believe it actually exists. The clothes may be purchased brand new, but they will be artificially aged so that give you that sense of oldness or time. The sets, even of a forest will be created in a way to capture the 'forestness' of a forest. You'll have all kinds of diff types of plants and creatures growing in just one segment of the forest(that's on the frame) just so that it looks good on camera - but maintaining a level of believeability.
The Aviator won the oscar for both ART and Costume. After watching just this trailer, you'll know why it was truly justified:

(7) Soundtrack and Sound MixingThe hero and heroine rush into each other’s arms and embrace in a passionate kiss. Music SWELLS… and it pulls us right out of the moment. Not good! A good soundtrack is the one we really don’t notice – it never overwhelms or distracts. Music should be used to elevate a scene, and the best emotional heightener is sometimes no sound at all. Gladiator, Rocky Balboa, Titanic, Matrix, Top Gun - no matter what genre, you just can't imagine these movies without their music running through your head, can you?

What's sound design/mixing? Imagine a scene at a bus stop. you can hear the girl and boy talking and see a buss passing in the background but cant hear it. you immediately sense something wrong. in the next secene, a car comes and hits them both but you only hear the screech a second befor eimpact. that's a major flaw in sound design/mixing. Ideally in a scene like this, there would be ambient sounds there would be a faint soundtrack or buzz building up to the crash. there would be a few sounds of a car hitting something and going out of control, a gasp, a screeech and then the impact.
If you've seen Inception, you'll notice that almost each scene has this level of precision. you FEEL the scene in sound just right before the scene actually happens. That's great sound design.
Check out this scene from Inception - feel the layers of sound playing on your mind even befoe the scene completes:

(8) Special (Visual) EffectsWhen effects are added to a movie after shooting it, they are SFX. No matter how great or trashy they are, they need to flow with the script. they need to be believeable. they need to add that zing to the scene. The best SFX are those that ADD to the believeability of the script. As George Lucas said it best: “Special effects without a story is a pretty boring thing.”
This article has been developed with the help of pointers from a truly insightful article from
many of the views expressed here belong to an opinionated dickhead called Pushkaraj Shirke.
If you have differing views, feel free to share them or visit

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