The stupidest FITNESS ADVICE you can ever get

There are shit loads of people who think they are absolute experts on fitness - whether they are random gym rats, steroid junkies, tv serial actresses, wannabe models or even your daily doodhwala. Fitness is a topic on which everyone has an opinion and presumably a high-and-learned education from fitness magazines, newspapers and conventional wisdom - which together can be summarised as BROSCIENCE.
So i put up a status to ask for all these crappy pieces of 'wisdom' are are passed to people - and what followed had me laughing for hours!

Here goes:

What is the stupidest piece of advice you have heard about bodybuilding and fitness ? in the gym or at the panwallah or anywhere. preferably a single sentence - i want to doodle out stupid advices on a single artwork .
guys, write down ADVICE you get. not OPINIONS. like when people talk like they know shit and are experts of some kind. those people jinkey dada 'bodybuilder' theyy ya jo salman bhai ke saath train kartey hain. you know what i mean.

• bhai, creatine steroid hai!
  
  

  poder ki body mat bana, be 'natural'!
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  Bhaai Ek baar gym chodega Body utar jayegi
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• Tumne jaldi weights uthana chalu kar diya hoga... Isliye height short hai..

  
  
• Bigger bicep? arnold curl maaar bro!
  

  
  
• Protein powder khane se pathri hoti hai
• Sweat your fat out. more sweat = more fat loss.

  
  
• there are exercises to increase height. like stretching.

  
  
• you should take fitness advice from mickey mehta.

  
  
• Whey Protein se side effects hota hai! Chawanpryash se body banta hai....

  
  
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  Model ban na hai TOCHAN daal !!

  
  
• preworkouts cause impotency. just have coffee.

  
  
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  If you leave gym then u will gain more weight ..

  
  
• Do yoga for complete fitness.

  
  
• DTP BHAIIIII!!!! DTP!!!

  
  
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  size banana h to beer start kar !!!!

  
  
• bhai langot nahi pehna toh goti satakk jaayegii!

  
  
• Girls can't build muscle so there's no point that you lift intense...

  
  
• weight uthane walo ka dick chota ho jata hai.....

  
  
• lifting heavy will make you HUGE. lifting light will keep you lean bro!

  
  
• Shock your muscles. do functional training bro! its the next level shit!

  
  
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  Recently heard this at d gym - "bhai pehle upar ki body bana.... fir legs maarna "

  
  
• babes, do pec deck to make your boobs bigger!

  
  
• sweetie, do side leg raises to reduce your love handles!

  
  
• do abs everyday brah!
• bhai cardio se sex ka stamina badhta hai!

  
  
• Hit biceps everyday..atleast two sets bfore leaving d gym

  
  
• doll, if you do 2 hours cardio everyday, you can eat whatever you want!

  
  
• Workout on forearms...everyday

  
  
• Avoid junk food and eat home mode dal, Sabji and chapati to build muscle.

  
  
• that bodybuilder hero is all vegetarian and natural bro. i saw it on tv. you should also learn from him!

  
  
• 2 hrs workout is must or more dan dat to build good muscle

  
  
• quality se farakk nahi padtaa. bas protein daal! koi bhi protein!

  
  
• 7 din mein wajan ghatayein warna paise wapas

  
  
• If you want to build body & get into shape, you must have to take ROIDS.. otherwise you can't.. WTF

  
  
• Don't run/lift/do anything active because your legs will get bulky and muscular..

  Ew, why do you lift weights? You're gonna get huge like those female body builders. Just do cardio.

  
  
• Don't eat Bananas. They're highly acidic and dissolve your muscle.

  
  
• Pet kum karna hai toh crunches maar

  
  
• #beer marne se mass chadta hai

  
  
• Why do you need to go to the gym? You're already fit!

  
  
• dont work out, just have nimbu paani with honey - its ayurvedic secret. it just makes the fat melt!
  

  
  
• Cardio mat kar..pump chala jayega

  
  
• Don't work your triceps, if you work only your biceps you look ripped, if you work your tri's you just look fat.

  
  
• Bhai zyada reps maar cutting k liye

  
  
• Lifting will cause erectile dysfunction. Hilarious.

  
  
• I want to like each of the comments above. All awesome! Haha.
  I've heard lose 5 kgs in 10 days; work out thrice a day.
  We will make you lose weight for sure in no time.
  Gym workout karne se aur phir chodne se body badh jaati hai
  Gymming chodne se body aur loose ho jayegi
  Weights karne se body stiff ho jayegi
  Don't have protein shakes or you'll bulk up like a guy
  Only do cardio to lose weight

  
  
• Women should be sleek; muscles should not show

  
  
• Muscle definition looks bad on women.

  
  
• I don't want muscles- woman.

  
  
• Protein shakes will make you huge like guys!

  
  
• Are you crazy you want to lift weights? You'll get "muscles"

  
  
• Bhai deadlift bahut hi dangerous cheez hai... Mat Karna

  
  
• salman khan do workout for 8 hour a day. you should also.

  
  
• Bhai mere KO natural body banani hai... Protein nahi lunga
  

  
  
• Ek aur.. "Don't train two bodyparts on the same day. Your protein gets confused and doesn't know where to go."

  
  
• Common - bhai yeah muscles wagere agge maintain nahi hote , joints mein taklif ho jayegi 40 ke baad , lol wtf
•  Do ab crunches (40*3) everyday for small sized 6 pack abs & use weight plate for big sized 6 pack abs. (I don't know what does that mean).

  
  
• Powder le powder. Fatak se banegi body

  
  
• The knees shouldn’t pass the toes when squatting

  
  
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  Don't consume "protein" supplements, they are made up of "steroids"!

  
  
• Fat Burner lene se Garmi lagegi
  
  Fat ko massal (read muscle) mein convert karenge hum ... chalo deeps (dips) maro !
• Bannanas n beer is the secret of my body....
  Ye powder khane se body nahi banti

  
  
• नमस्कार मारोगे तो chest round बनेगी और dips मारोगे तो square.

  
  
• Generally i get this question... Aap natural ho ya protein lete ho? 😬

  
  

  
  
• Your biceps and shoulder is made up of 1 connecting muscle.. So if ur shoulders r huge ul definitely have underdeveloped biceps.. N vice versa.. Lmao..

  
  
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  I was just giving a support to a 1 model he have gud musclular body....n woh incilne chest mar raha tha....then 3-4 reps maine support diya then after done bolta hai aapne achse se support nai diya....chest maar raha tha shouldier bhi pain karne laga...hahaha

  
  
• Women' bodies are not meant to push weights.

  
  
• Women should only do yoga and Pilates.

  
  
• A common one: The Best Time to Work Out is Morning/Night..

  
  
• Lean forward on the stair climber if you want a firm butt... (Do this, and I could strain my lower back)..

  
  
• Drink "super oxygenated" water and you'll increase the amount of oxygen in your blood and get more energy.. lmao

  
  
• Don't work out too much. Coz when you stop it will all turn into fat.

  
  
• Leave that gym shym n heavy weights. Just have warm water with lime n honey first thing in the morning. Bas! Tu dekh kaisi patli ho jaegi.

   
  "My girl, try touching your toes. Your stomach(???) will go pucca. That gymming is a money making racket, I tell you."

  
  
• Have warm water like Mr.modi!! and you can eat whatever you want, sab pighal jaayega, aisa!!
  it's the Indian fat burner. Mr.modi ni faand(tummy) nathi!!woh uska kurta aage rehta hain!!
  ane Nehru jacket adds some volume, aina forearms joya te, sakhad lifting manas che modi!

   
  powder aur namak(creatine) waali body mat bana bhai, baad me baadi(fat)ka dhol ban jaayega!

  
  
• zyaada legs maarega toh goti pet me chali jaayegi, Aur waise bhi apan poora din toh chalte he hain!!
• Have your post workout shake with hot water as it will increase your metabolism

  
  
• ladki log chest maarenge toh boobs flat ho jaayenge!

   
  squats se constipation hota hain!

   
  arms pe dhyaan de bhai, sab wahi dekhte hain,legs pe toh pant aa jaayegi!
  
  Indian powders lene k like protinex and biscuits like threptin, American powders are made for American body type!!
  
  p.s. this is talwalkar's in ahmedabad.
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• Machine ki body utar jaati hain. Dand baithak ki body nahin utarti.

  
  
• Powder waali body asli body nahin hain.

  
  
• Kasrat karne se napunsak bann jaata hai aadmi
  .erection nhi hota uss me .
  Dekhne ka reh jaata hai bas wo

  
  
• band karo ye gym vim ka natak chup chap walk maar ...that's permanent .....
  

  
  

- Pushkaraj S Shirke